from where you stand
I wear an armor
of steel I am
protected and
protecting a paragon
of man confident valiant
content sufficient
and superficial
I am what I am
I remind
myself of it
as I stare into the mirror
hands at my hips
Chest out and
chin raised
ready
ready to take on a
new day
ready for
it all but
not ready for
you
because
there is a vacuum
under my breastplate –
an empty space
of nothing pain
a dark universe expanding
every time you crank
chewing and ripping
swallowing in gulps
more of my chest
imploding –
from inside pushing a
clenched fist out
against my throat
so I cannot swallow until
I cannot ignore
anymore and I have
to let go in a wild burst
that brings me down
fast and certain
I’m hollow
you know?
You can see
it if you
just look close
enough and
stare
stare true and
steady without
shame
and you’ll see
there’s nothing inside of me
except for what
wants you
so I hide it
I hide it with every
breath and movement
and tick and
mannerism
and way
my demeanor hides
what is inside
but
this armor is too heavy
it’s too much to carry
rip it off of me
cut it off of me
and stand back
– give me space
air I can’t breathe
around you
because I’m brimming with
gut and emotion
with tears and blood
and expectations
all I need is an
unexpected shake –
a touch from your
finger tips
I don’t
anticipate
a word from
your lips
I wasn’t ready
to hear
and it’ll gush
out of me an avalanche
of unfulfilled desires
feelings unrequited
you are hard to
let go
you are hard
to swallow
how can I be nothing
to someone
who is
everything
and still when you
smile
now
here
there and then
I remember why I
fell in love
and it’s enough
to raise my head
and gasp full
gulps of you
for a few moments
to fill my lungs
within my chest
within my breastplate
with air I can
breathe and
stand up
hold my self up in armor
valiant confident
sufficient and content
though still
but not
always superficial
