Excuses from my Chinese students

Here are some great examples of excuses for not coming to class or not doing the homework on time that I get every week (the ones below are all from this last week — today is Tuesday). The text below is copied exactly as written in an email — they’re actually the entirety of the email. They sound much better when read aloud with in a “musical robot” style. These are ranked in order of quality of excuse, starting with the worst:

Note 1:

I’m [Name]. I feel sick today.I can’t take the AB English class, I am very sorry.

Note 2:

Excuse me, I am [Name]. I am so sorry that I forget to wirte my position paper 2.Can I ask you to give me some time to finish it? I am really sorry.

Note 3:

To Filipe:

Hello, I’m [Name]. I got serious cold, and feel badly so that I want to be absent for the English class. I’m so sorry to ask for leave tonight. Hope you give permission to my request. Thanks!

Yours

[Name]

My all-time favorites:

Note 4:

Dear filipe,
I don’t intend to ask for your forgiveness but express my thoughts about homework this time.
I handed my position paper later last week because I thought it didn’t matter whether on time. You told and comforted me that E-learning system broken down sometimes. I was ashamed by my behaviour that I didn’t tell you the truth was that I just didn’t submit my homework on time. As I knew that, the system didn’t make mistakes, I did, because man made the machine.
Delay must be a bad habit for me, and I try to hand in paper two on time. And it’s better for me to tell you the truth.  Have a nice day.
Best wishes.
Yours
[Name]

 

Note 5:

Dear filipes:
I am sorry to occupy your precious again, but I really want to tell you something about the agrument.
Yesterday, you told us that we still can hand in our agurment before 11:55 pm on April 9th.Sadly. However, I did experiment of my professional class and can not return dormitory until eleven o’clock. To made the matter worse, I forgot to submit the argument on time.
Now,I am as sad as the day before yesterday, because I still can not submit my homework. I had planed to talk to you in your office, but I have class tonight. Therefore, I just can send you a e-mail to explain what the situation is.
Can I submit the homework?
I am looking forward to you reply.
Best wishies!
                                                                       Sincerely
                                                                        [Name]