I Fear a Cascade of Beard (updated)

“I fear
a cascade
of beard,”
she told me.

It was an
obvious
fabrication of
bad online
translation.
But the meaning
was clear:

From here
on, there
would be
no
more
kissing.

And we parted
ways in this
lonely world;
this vacuum
of love; this
black hole of
romance
that is Shantou.

I should have known
from the start.

“Do I look
fat?” she
asked,
gently gasping,
and pausing,
freezing her
eyes on my
beard,
and flinching,
then looking
straight
into mine,
holding her
finger erect
pointing at
her made up
doll face.

“No,” I said,
genuinely, “If
anyone looks
fat, it’s me,” I
said, genuinely.

“But it’s okay
for men,”
she fumbled
for words
either due
to broken
English or
a genuine
lack of things
to say, “to
be strong,”
she finally
and carefully
finished
her phrase
and swung her
head over
her right shoulder
and looked up
at the singer holding
the mic close to her
mouth, parting
her lipstick lips,
sitting but swaying
her hips, and
gently closing
and opening
her eyes to
the rhythm
of the music.

She is a true
Chinese beauty,”
she turned back
and said, and
I agreed,
reluctantly,
but genuinely.

And that was
the end.

 

* A conversation with friends reminded me of this poem recently. It took me a while to locate a finished copy of it, but I finally found it.

Kairos in English Class, or The Story of the English Teacher Who Was Mistaken for a Rhetorical Clown: A Narrative Poem in Free Verse

When I’m dancing and singing
and acting like a clown,
My students love me —
“because you’re entertaining
and funny,” they say.

But as soon as I start talking
about the Greeks, about rhetoric,
about kronos and about kairos,
‘the opportune moment’ —
they fall asleep.

I drive the chalk deep into
the blackboard and watch the
white powder slowly cover
my hands, my hair
my shirt, and my pants.

I’m soaked in it —
the ephemera of teaching,
the mojo of learning,
the antidote of ignorance,
the genesis of thinking:
standing but swimming
in white chalk powder.

Falling knowledge
like December snow —
free for the taking,
highly expected
but severely
ignored.

“It’s too theoretical,”
they tell me.
It’s all too far removed
from their worlds
(or so they think)
and they doze off,
hanging their heads
upon their palms —
guillotines of thought.

And swiftly
they drift
into a
barren
and hollow
world
far away
from

the
utopia of

English
class.

Thank you.

Come again.

[Fervent Applause]

Saw you in the taxi queue at Jin Mao T.

Written by “Sebastico” on ShanghaiExpat (See below). Poetized by me.

Hey…

I need some help,
Tuesday night,
August 14th,
around 9:45pm

I have seen
an amazingly
beautiful girl
in the taxi queue
in front of
the entrance
to the Grand Hyatt Hotel
in Jin Mao Tower.

She,
European looking,
blond short hair
(looked dyed)
around 1.70m
tall and white
braces and
wearing a
black/white dress
was queuing behind me.

From a quick chat
I do know that
she lives in Pudong,
somehow not far
from the Jin Mao Tower,
I guess…

If you know her
or have any
information,
just pass it on…

Ah, and all
you funny once [sic],
please spare me
with any
unnecessary
comments…

I so need
to see her
again…!!!

S

*This is Poem 1 of my 10-poem series of poems (I like saying the word “poem”) made from forum posts I found on the “Dating, singles, and relationships” on ShanghaiExpat. I decided to immortalize these words by poetizing them. The words of the poems are presented exactly as the forum posts read. Nothing was added or removed (except for line breaks and sometimes [sic] notations for wrong grammar or spelling).

Why guys like girls wearing one-piece dress so much?

Written by “serena_loves_pasta” on ShanghaiExpat (See below). Poetized by me.

I
bought a tight
pink cheetah print
one-piece dress

in a store yesterday,
and I just
wore them [sic]
after buying it
instead of

putting in [sic]
my shopping
bag.

And seconds later,
I got chatted up
by a guy.

Well, on my way.. [sic]

all the guys
just gazed at me
and made eyes
at me.

So why are
one-piece
dresses
so attractive
to guys?

It’s much
hotter
than miniskirts?

*This is Poem 2 of my 10-poem series of poems (I like saying the word “poem”) made from forum posts I found on the “Dating, singles, and relationships” on ShanghaiExpat. I decided to immortalize these words by poetizing them. The words of the poems are presented exactly as the forum posts read. Nothing was added or removed (except for line breaks and sometimes [sic] notations for wrong grammar or spelling).

From where you stand

from where you stand
I wear an armor
of steel I am
protected and
protecting a paragon
of man confident valiant
content sufficient
and superficial

there is a vacuum
under my breastplate —
an empty space
of nothing pain
a dark universe expanding
every time you crank
chewing and ripping
swallowing in gulps
more of my chest
imploding —

from inside pushing a
clenched fist
against my throat
so I cannot swallow until
I cannot ignore
anymore and I have
to let go in a wild burst
that brings me down
fast and certain

this armor is too heavy
it’s too much to carry
rip it off of me
cut it off of me
and stand back
— give me space
air I can’t breathe
around you

because I’m brimming with
gut and emotion
with tears and blood
and expectations

all I need is an
unexpected shake —
a touch I don’t
anticipate
a word for which
I didn’t prepare
and it’ll gush
out of me an avalanche
of unfulfilled desires
feelings unrequited

you are hard to let go
it’s hard to swallow
when I think of you
how can I be nothing
to someone who is
my everything

and still when you
smile now here
there and then
I remember why I
fell in love
and it’s enough
to raise my head
and gasp full gulps of you
for a few moments
to fill my lungs
within my chest
within my breastplate
with air I can
breathe and
stand up

hold my self up in armor
valiant confident
sufficient and content

I am a clumsy flamingo

A Clumsy Flamingo (aka, Me)

when You are
not here I am

missing a critical
part of my equation

something so basic
I only notice gone

when You are far
I am missing

a vital part of my
whole the contours

of Your profile have
been carved so

precisely to my
own when You

are not here I am
a clumsy flamingo

trying hard to stand
gracefully on one leg

when You are not
here I cannot do it

I feel a break —

an abiding ache
Out of bed but
not awake — a
fool and a fake.