She brought her napkin down and quickly glanced across the table. It was only for a moment but this time she didn’t just look at me as she had done a hundred times before. This time, she was looking for something in me and her eyes slowly penetrated the artificial and protective cloud of disinterest that I had set between us. She was hoping for some form of confirmation, ceaselessly wondering for only a moment if I felt it too. That’s when it happened. By the time I realized what she was looking for, mamihlapinatapai had taken over the moment. It is that thick and palpable fear of being controlled by consequences that keep us apart but also that undefined pleasure of taking a hold of and shaping time and a future that could be in our hands that kept us staring and wondering.
